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Love knows no distance and knows no time. It just is. After spending much of my adult life estranged from both of my parents, in the spring of 2021, I received a letter in the mail, informing me that my dad was dying. Then in the fall of 2022, my mother followed. As I am sure anyone reading this would agree, this is one of the hardest things a person can have happen. A major saving factor in it was that I could honestly say that I was not at fault for anything. The Cause While I could write on what happened between my parents and myself, I am choosing to only say that I was not at fault. There is no need to go into details in this writing. My hope is that they were both saved, biblical Christians before they died and that I will see them in heaven some day. There is cause to believe they are both there waiting for me. Dealing With Estrangement It was not easy. But I got through it and did quite well. The first year was the hardest. As with anything hurtful, it takes time and working through pain. There is no doubt that I could not have healed, if 1) I had been in the wrong, or 2) if I had not had the Lord with me through it. From what I learned after their deaths, they did not do so well with the estrangement. This shocked me, until I realized that one of the reasons I did well, was because I was innocent. As hard as it was to be the receiver of wrong-doing and to be rejected by those who should have never done such things to me, it would have been much worse to have been them. Something that has helped me and still helps me is keeping in mind that no matter what, he was my dad and she was my mom. Someone who knows the details might wonder why they matter(ed) to me. To such person, I would say for the same reason we matter to God. My loving someone is not contingent on anything. Broadly -- The Hole Let me try to explain this. For some people, when they find themselves in a hole from doing wrong, a self-dug hole, they just keep digging that hole, as if they can dig themselves out of it. It's the oddest thing. Here's an example. Person one does something wrong to person two. Person one does not want to be the one in the wrong. Person one lies and denies what happened and even blames person two. Person one knows that person two knows that person one is lying. But person one thinks if he/she just keeps on denying the truth, that somehow the problem will go away and he/she will not be in the wrong. --Person one originally dug a hole by doing something wrong to person two. Then person one dug a deeper hole, by denying what was done and blaming person two. Sadly, it does not just stop at that. And it does not matter if person two speaks up or not. Person one knows the truth and wants a different outcome than being in the wrong. So, whether or not person two speaks up, person one is going to do something more to person two, to try and get person two to do something wrong or at least to appear to have done something wrong. And the hole gets deeper. And when person two does finally speak up and or does something that shows person one that person two has not just let it go, person one digs an even deeper hole, to get even with person two. And the crazy thing is that person one might actually love person two. Living and Dying With Our Choices Not only do we all have to live with our choices, we will also all one day have to die with those choices. I felt for both my parents, having to die having never told the truth, having never climbed out their self-dug holes and for having continued to dig those holes for all those years. My dad's last words were trying to say "Hi" to me over speaker phone, before I got there to see him in person. When I was there, holding his hand, he mustered up strength to squeeze my hand three times, while looking at me out a little slit opening of his one eye. His opportunity to verbally make things right was no longer. So, I did it for him. My last words to him were, "I love you, and I know you love me, and that's all that matters. I'll see you soon." Then I kissed his forehead. Two days before my mother died, my oldest daughter gave birth two months early to my first grandchild. One struggling to die. The other struggling to live. My mother was in a lot of pain in the end, and my granddaughter had to have a life-saving procedure when her heart stopped seconds after being born. My mother never met her youngest great-grandchild, but my granddaughter, my daughter, my mother, and I, were together in mine and my mother's last phone visit. My final words with my mother were on a short phone call, telling her that she had a new great-grandchild and thanking her for praying for my oldest to have a baby. Her final words to me were, "Thank you." She thanked me for thanking her, then she fell asleep. --For that short time on that final call with my mom, things were as they should have been. It was great-granddaughter, granddaughter, daughter, and mom (grandma, great-grandma.) I had seen my mom after she took ill, but due to a health issue of my own, I was unable to travel to see her again before she died. Love Knows No Distance or Time I believe my parents held love for me, but that their love was greatly hindered. While I always loved them, that love eventually got buried deep inside, so that I could go on. When we would come together after being separated by both miles and years, it was as if there had been no distance, nor any passage of time. Interesting thing about love; it knows no distance; it knows no time. It just is. Debra... |
